I would like to tell you more of my story: the countless nights of crying, the countless days of depression. I want you to know me better so you can understand the name I have chosen for this blog: Balance Bliss Living: Finding the balance in life.
I feel like I have sat here for many years trying to get into the right mindset to be able to enjoy life, even with all the nonsense going on. To wake up and smile because I know that no matter what I am going through, it’s temporary.
I remember when I thought my relationship was wonderful. Working and then coming home to each other, laughing and carrying on like we were best friends. Our home was filled with joy and laughter, the kind of happiness that seemed unbreakable. Until one day, it wasn’t like that anymore. I started waking up dreading the days because I knew there was going to be something I did wrong. I would get yelled at. I would get the look that made me just want to crawl into a hole and die. I would get the man who thought he could just take from me whenever he wanted, and when he was done, it was like I was tossed out with the trash. Forgotten. Silent, with no feelings to showcase because what would be the point?
I became numb to everything. I lost myself in my children, my books, and my gaming, hoping to keep what was left of me intact. Cleaning became a full-time job so I wouldn’t have to deal with the arguments and raised voices. I was a slave in my own house.
I started work again when I became pregnant with my fourth child, and it all started to change for me. I was able to get out and breathe. I was able to place blame where it should be placed instead of taking all the blame. I felt free, in a sense. Those moments of freedom allowed me to see a glimmer of hope and reminded me that I deserved better. I took steps to better myself and realize I’m worth more then what others think of me. What he thinks of me… as it also changed him.
Now, back home with my kids, I am grateful for those breathers from work that allowed me to regain my strength. I am able to sit here and type this today for you to read. I now have more on my plate than ever, but my time is managed better. I focus on myself more. I give back to myself more. I finally get to enjoy life for what it’s meant to be, instead of dreading living it.
Through my journey, I’ve learned that self-care is not selfish but essential. It’s okay to seek help and take breaks. Life is about finding balance, embracing the good and the bad, and continuously striving for inner peace.
To anyone reading this who feels trapped or overwhelmed, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to take small steps towards change. Reach out for support, focus on your passions, and remember that you deserve happiness and fulfillment.
Lia
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