Finding Balance: The Awkward Moments

Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

We’ve all been through it, I think. Where we go somewhere that we’re excited for, or because we have to…. and it just doesn’t sit right. You feel anxious, nervous. You’re in the conversation, but it feels like it’s only because you are there in the flesh. The small talk is just that… small talk. Filling up the space because the space needs filled, not because anyone wants to make small talk with you.

You get what I mean right?

I felt this way when I met my adopted mamas(one of my best friends) family.

I went to her aunts house because she wanted me to meet everyone. I worked with her son  (he is one of my best friends too to this day) and her and I just adored eachother. We were 15 years apart, but that didn’t matter. She was like a second mama to me. She helped me get through a lot when things were rocky here at home, but that’s for another post.

It was just awkward. Like super awkward when I walked in her aunts house.

You could tell they were just being nice because I was a friend of Beverly’s. The weird part is, they would have so many people around that were in bad shape…. People who got mixed up with drugs or who did other stuff to get in trouble with the law…. You name it. And they would all do their best to help, and not be judgemental.

But they didn’t like me, not one bit. All because I was Beverly’s friend. They also didn’t like my children.

How the hell do you have a problem with children? Especially when they have done nothing but come with their mama just to meet you? I just don’t get it.

But that’s on them, because my children are lovely individuals who deserve people in their life who actually give two shits about them.

But anyways..

Beverly passed away two years ago. On July 2nd. The same day my husband had a concrete wall fall on him this year. And I can say this, I know she is the reason my husband is still with us today. He said something had told him not to pick up the bottle sitting at his feet.

The concrete wall that fell on him would crushed him fully had he picked up that bottle. Instead he completely shattered his knee all the way down to his ankle. I know Beverly was watching over him that day. And I thank her everyday for giving the kids the opportunity to have their father around still.

To this day though…. I have not once heard from Beverly’s family. I was not at her service. I don’t even know where she is buried, because I know they would not permit to see her. I know they would’ve made me leave her service.

Beverly was a wonderful lady, I was just so out of place around anyone else but her.